I wasted SO much time not having the life I wanted by believing I can’t have it
You can choose to believe in yourself and the dreams you have for yourself. Be it financial dreams, a bodyweight goal, your love life, or something else, choose to believe that it is possible because it IS completely obtainable.
Your mindset has so much power over your reality. When I accepted that, things made so much sense. For the first 18 years of my life, I believed I couldn't have anything different than the unathletic body I was growing into. For the first 25 years of my life, I didn’t have my dream job and my dream business because I believed I couldn’t do the work to have it. Therefore, my life reflected that beliefs.
I changed my mind about those two things. First with my body at age 18. No matter what the mirror showed me, I started to "see" my dream body. I felt how great it would feel to have my body look the way I wanted it to look: healthy, slim, strong. Eventually, I had my dream body. I worked out, I ate well, I researched and learned different forms of physical movement. It was when I truly believed I would have my dream body that it happened (and of course, when I put in the work. Life isn't about magic just happening, it's about making magic happen).
Today, 9 years into my fitness journey, I continue to be complimented on my hard-earned body, which I am back to the same weight I was as a teenager: now with muscle, curves, and a whole lot of confidence!
Before I took action to start a business, I never imagined it to become bigger than freelancing from time to time, which was all I was used to doing. I was terrified of investing and learning the in's and out's, thinking my brain would never be a business brain. I even read countless books on business, finance, and mindset self-development surrounding money and finances, but I still didn't find it possible to happen for me.
One day, it hit me: any job I've ever had, whether massage, office administration, or hosting restaurants, I mastered them because I was smart and capable of learning. I always believed I could master those jobs and I did, easily. I realized that I could do the same with business and learning the ins and outs of it. I decided to believe I could achieve creating my own reiki, coaching, and massage therapy business, like anything else. I believed I would learn the rules of business and start Soul Well, increase my finances, and kickstart my dream life.
I believed I could and began the action steps of obtaining it which I've laid out below
The Steps toward Achieving It.
Identify What You Desire If You're Unsure
The first thing I can really suggest is for you to really just identify what is it that you want to do? What are all your true heart's desires? Have you ever seriously thought about this or sat with this before? I journal this out regularly.
Putting out all of your desires is actually harder than it seems. I used to keep it so small: have a good job, get married. My life didn’t change at all. Then I got a little bigger: start a business, have meaningful relationships. Suddenly, life started making big changes.
It wasn’t easy, but let’s just say life started making room. People who weren’t in alignment with my goals and desires were exiting my life. Some for good, some for temporary (they, themselves, had to grow). I left a job I hated and started at new companies that made me feel happier with my career.
Then my desires got even bigger: GROW a business. Have meaningful and incredible relationships. Be with the love of my life. I always wanted to buy my mom a house. These are still the biggest desires of mine and the universe is working on it for me.
Once you identify what it is you want, you may also have to start with some inner work. Over the last few years and especially in 2020, I've done so much inner work involving believing I could have it, forgiveness toward all that's happened in my life that I had resentment toward, gratitude for all that I have in life, BELIEVING I CAN, and excitement for what's to come. Truthfully, every day of 2020 has been inner work that has up-leveled in my 9-year healing journey tremendously.
I started really sitting with myself and digging into the shadows of myself: the things I don’t like about myself, the things I don’t like about other people, where envy and anger show up in my life and finding the why of it all. Then, giving those [shadows] some love. I’ve found the best way to “get rid of” the things I don’t like about myself, is to love myself anyway. Suddenly I stopped hating the pains of my past and stopped feeling envious that “everyone” around me has a loving relationship with a significant other or has a "stable" job. I still desire certain things, but I don’t hate the fact that I don’t have them (yet).
I started doing things that were hard. Facing people who I’ve hurt or hurt me. Sometimes literally and other times figuratively, and sometimes hiding behind a phone. But, I did it. I FORGAVE all the crap. Let me tell you, forgiveness will always set you free.
I’ve had to forgive things I considered unforgivable. Bullying, sexual trauma, rumors, abuse, neglect, being used, so much more. I forgave that for ME! To set ME free.
Let me tell you something and this was a hard truth for me to swallow. The things you did when you were a teenager, people have forgotten. It’s not like you committed a murder, right? Those things you think people still hate you for, those things you still hate yourself for, it’s probably all forgotten already. Even if it’s not forgotten, they’re probably not living their life thinking about how much they hate you or what you did to them 10 + years ago. If they are, that's on them to learn to forgive, too. I practice forgiveness regularly. It’s helped me move on from situations almost instantly.
Most importantly, I had to forgive myself. For naivety, jealousy, and "bad" things I’ve done. I also had to forgive myself for keeping myself small and being too afraid to follow my dreams for YEARS. I've wanted to start a business since I was 20. It took me six years to make the first step. SIX. WHOLE. YEARS. (In hindsight I've also learned a lot in these six years and timing is everything anyway, lol).
I also practice sending gratitude to everything I have, don’t yet have, and everything that hasn’t worked out for me. I’m single, I’ve gone through a lot of dating. It hasn’t worked out with any of them and I’m so grateful because it keeps getting better. I know I’m meant to be with someone who is absolutely perfect for me. I've also applied to thousands of jobs and barely ever got a call back for lack of experience or got offered pay much less than I deserve with my experience. I am grateful none of those jobs worked out, too!
I am so grateful that I have a healthy body that can move, a warm bed to sleep in at night, a morally supportive family and friends, and so much more. I am grateful for a vehicle that takes me everywhere I need to go, for having access to clean drinking water, and food to put in my belly each day. The list can go on and far beyond essential needs, too. Start sending gratitude to all that you have.
Now, are you super clear on what it is you do want? Yes? Well then:
GET EXCITED ABOUT IT
Lastly, get EXCITED about the things you desire! If you see it happening for other people and people you look up to, get excited because that means it’s possible for you, too. If you get excited about the things you want, it’s like sending your subconscious mind and the universe an invitation to bring it into your life.
So in sum, the way to make things happen is:
Identify What You Want in Life
Believe you can (and you will)
Forgive yourself, everything and everyone
Express gratitude for all that you have in your life
& Get excited about the things you desire!